This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Luke & Carly's first born, Lissa Poppy who was born in Westmead, Sydney, Australia on March 08, 2002 at 11:40am and passed away at 2:53pm.
We will remember & love her forever.
Please let us know you've been - light a candle - it only takes 1 minute & means the world to us!! Thanks in advance.
We've made up a little montage of some of Lissa's photos. We hope you like it.
Written by Carly, Lissa's Mummy:
Our gorgeous baby girl died as a result of an extreme placental problem - an infection called Massive Chronic Intervillositis - Massive (meaning huge), Chronic (meaning long term), Intervillositis (an infection of the cells between the placenta & uterine wall that stops the food getting through properly).
At full term she was born the size of a 24-26 week gestation baby (which is almost unheard of).
Her little lungs were so tiny that they couldn't oxygenate her enough, even with all the help from the wonderful NICU team.
All of the food she was getting was going firstly to her brain & secondly, to her body.
The doctors finally realised something was wrong on January 8th at around 32 weeks.
In all of my scans the doctors didn't bother investigating the growth restriction & just kept delaying the due date. So much so, they once had the due date as that I would've conceived after we already knew I was pregnant.
When we raised these concerns with the nurses, they said nothing was wrong, one nurse actually said "the doctor hasn't asked to see you so everything's fine."
I was going to an "ante-natal Clinic" at Dubbo Base Hospital, New South Wales, Australia.
Being a very naive young woman, I believed them.
After they finally realised something major was wrong, they kept saying week after week that she would die within days.
She showed them didn't she!!
Our girl was born at full term & lived for 3 hours & 13 minutes.
Lissa had a wonderful life - filled with lots of cuddles & kisses from both of her parents & her 3 grandparents.
Luke & I are so proud of our daughter, we have nothing but pure love for her.
We have both found it extremely difficult over the years to deal with our loss.
I'm sorry but our story is an extremely long one & I have been working on writing it down but because it is so detailed and painful, it takes forever & I think I subconsciously avoid it at times!!
UPDATE, I finally have written something about her birthday - below.
Many people that visit this site will probably be a bereft parent themselves. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. Please do not bury your grief, as it will come back ten times worse. We need to embrace our grief.
I have the following huge pieces of advice for you:
Ladies please, remember men grief so much different than women & if you misunderstand, it can totally ruin your relationship. Do not let this happen, whatever you do!!
We have dealt with (& will continue to deal with) many hurtful comments, occasions & situations. The way we deal with that is by totally removing ourselves from these situations & totally removing the offending person (people) from our lives for good.
And finally, do not "edit" yourself for other peoples comfort!! If you find yourselves going to say your baby's name but then shut up because you don't want to hurt someone else's feelings: DON'T!! Please, say their name, shout it into the wind if that's what you want or feel you need. And this goes for friends or family of a bereft parent, if you try to "avoid" the subject because you fear them being upset again, don't be ridiculous!! What?? Do you think that we forget until someone 'brings it up'?? Don't be stupid!! It's people like you that make it just a bit harder.
If you'd like to read some lovely poems, click on the "her legacy" tab at the top of the page.
Finally, on Lissa's 5th birthday, I had the strength to write a little about the day of Lissa's birth & death.
5 years ago we were getting ready to have our daughter. 2 whole months after the drs said she would die any minute, within a fortnight at most & definitely be stillborn.
She was born alive. Our Lissa surprised all of the drs & continued living after the diagnosis.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
Getting wheeled into the operating theatre, Mum saying "the next time I see you, you'll be a mother".
Laying there, waiting for them to say she was born.
11:40am she came out.
Even the drs were silent because they were shocked.
Seconds passed & nothing was said.
About a minute after she first came out the anesthetist came back to my head & said "they are just taking her over to the table to work on her".
Luke thought this would be the only chance he'd get so took photos of these first few minutes. Those 4 photos will haunt me for the rest of my life. Our poor little girl, eyes wide, not used to the lights, shocked, getting a tube shoved down her throat.
I really wish those 4 photos weren't taken, they are horrid.
Luke comes back to me & asks if it's OK if he stays with her, I say of course, go.
The other dr, the one we'd been seeing for 2 months to try to work out what was wrong comes over to me. He says "now, she has an enlarged head". He was obviously shocked. I shit myself, thinking "oh my god, we've had an alien". He goes back to where the action is.
More minutes go by & the anesthetist comes back & says "OK, they're taking her to the NICU so if you look to your right you can see her".
I look to my left.
I am scared.
I am scared of what she looks like, I am scared of being scared.
They finish sewing me up & take me to recovery.
While there I hear another woman moaning at her pain.
I hear someone say "was it because I smoked", I wonder what was happening to her baby, I bet it isn't dying like mine.
I'm wondering what's going on.
Later, Mum tells me that her & Luke's parents were waiting in the hall & a group of drs exit the theatre & run past them, down the hall towards the NICU. They get a glimpse of a little scrap of a baby, fighting for life with lots of tubes & wires.
This is their Grand-daughter.
Welcome to Grandparenthood.
After a while in recovery a nurse comes to get me. She is giving me a poloroid of a baby, our baby. My first look.
This is that picture:
I look & am so in love.
It is our baby, our girl.
I wonder what I was scared of, she is beautiful.
Somewhere Luke & Mum meet up with me, the nurse & our escorts as we are on our way to the NICU.
They say things aren't looking good.
I nod because I knew.
Poor Luke is a mess, he was in denial over the last 2 months, thinking it'd all be OK, she wouldn't die. The minute he laid eyes on her, he knew too.
I get wheeled into the NICU & there she is.
I talk to her, I say "bubba girl" & she responds. She moves her head in my direction.
I touch her little foot & she presses her foot against my finger.
I love her, she loves me.
There are tubes & wires everywhere.
The head dr comes to me & says "her lungs are too tiny, she cannot get enough oxygen. We are giving her 100% oxygen & she still isn't getting enough".
I say "quick, get her off. Why bother her if it isn't doing any good".
You can see the relief in all of their faces. They didn't want to have to fight a losing battle.
They ask if we are religious. I say "no but her Dad is" they ask Luke if he would like her christened, he says yes please.
Someone rushes to get the chaplain, it takes a little while.
While we wait we marvel at our beautiful daughter.
She doesn't like the bright lights & squints.
He comes & his name is Father Luke & he has a big beard.
The christening begins & we are asked who the god-parents will be, we are stumped because we hadn't thought about that. They say not to worry & proceed.
Lissa is on my chest & they say Christening stuff & squeeze one of those little vials of water on her forehead. She doesn't like it.
They finish & we are all taken into a room to wait for them to get her ready to come to us.
She comes in & we all pass her around, look at her & love her.
She yawns a lot because her oxygen levels are slowly going down.
She also goes a bit blue, it looks like bruising.
We love her some more.
After a while we can tell she is going.
She dies in my mothers arms at 2:53pm.
We cuddle her a bit more & then a lovely nurse comes to take come hand & foot prints & to cut a bit of her hair for us to keep. Her hair surprises us by being light. We thought it'd be darker, like mine.
After that, the nurse bathes her.
A little while later, I get taken back upstairs.
Someone made a mistake & I am taken to the maternity ward.
We sit there for a few minutes listening to the babies crying & then someone comes & we point out the error & I am taken back to the gyno ward, where I'd been last night.
Lissa is bought to us a little while later & we have her for a bit longer.
Over the next few days she is bought up to us every day for a couple of hours except for the 2 days she is at the Children's Hospital getting an autopsy.
Then a week after she was born, the funeral people come & get her & we all travel home.